a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
