I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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