True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
