U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
