I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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