Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
