I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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