Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
