how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
