No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
