so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
