That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
