The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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