just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
