I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
