it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
