Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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