I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
