If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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