Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
