I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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