Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
