nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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