We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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