Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
