last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
