Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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