I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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