dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
