i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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