I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize