Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
cat food counts as protein by the way
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
