Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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