What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
