You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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