just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
