i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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