bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
