He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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