Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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