Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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