Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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