good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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