Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
