Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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