ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
