We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
