I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
