I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
