I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
