Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!