I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow