are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge