He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize