I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize