He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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