He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
