I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
