I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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