she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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