this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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