Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
