roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
