So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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