you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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