it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
