Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
