They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize