Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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