I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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