I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
