false alarm. still invincible.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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