At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
