I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i think i just lost a toe
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
