2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
