he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
