Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
