...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
