I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
