How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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