Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We got so high we made milksteak
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
