I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
